It's Your Funeral!


The Shire, about 5:40pm

Hello Reader,

Something happened at 1:30 am on Sunday, 4th August, that was of seismic significance to our family. Several of us are still in aftershock.

Our grandson was born at 28 weeks, weighing a mere 1.125 kg.

Mum and dad were staying at the John Radcliffe, a teaching hospital in Oxford, UK, when mum was taken down to the delivery room. Within minutes a baby boy was born.

As I write, our new grandson is doing very well. He spent his first few days in the Intensive Care Unit (ICU), and a few days ago he was improved enough to be moved to the next, less-intensive, level of care.

To my eternal gratitude, all this happened, I learned later, in one of the best places on the planet for neo-natal care. God is good.

As grandparents, we are picking up the slack for our son and daughter-in-law. The family are doing well. I suppose this what my generation can do in these times: provide much-needed margin for our children, where and when we can.

Hybrid ICU

When I first went to visit little my new grandson in the ICU, I was a little surprised at what I found. My expectations from the movies was to see banks of incubators patrolled by a nurse or two.

I could not have been more wrong.

Instead, I found each incubator in the centre of its own workstation, monitored by a dedicated nurse. Behind were a bank of monitors with displays of the baby's body temperature, blood pressure, heart beat, etc. all wired up to that little life. Lots of tech was not so much of a surprise.

What was encouraging to me was that amidst all this, each nurse had a writing plinth, where they would be almost constantly be making notes by hand. This state-of-the-art medical facility had a hybrid approach--both digital and analog--to delivering the best care.

The Generation Effect

I recalled recent research of college students who made handwritten notes in lectures and were later found to have a deeper, more integrated understanding of what they learned than the comparison group that took notes on digital devices. Researchers called this the generations effect.

The generation effect is the unsung hero of creativity. I handwrite my Unburdened Journal each morning, and I extract notes on books I read by hand before later committing them to digital apps. In fact, I am handwriting the first draft of this newsletter. Writing by hand forces me to be more disciplined in what I take down as notes, and I add my reflections as I go along.

Sure handwriting is slow, messy, and cannot allow cut and paste. Yet it seems that this resistance helps improve clarity, creativity and retention.

Pen and paper is not the only medium by which we can achieve the generation effect. Rosemary achieves this on her Unburdened Journal using her iPad and stylus pen.

The Unburdened Webinar

In fact, Rosemary will be presenting her Goodnotes app template and how she uses it on our forthcoming Unburdened Webinar. Laura, another of our positive outliers, will be sharing about how the Unburdened structure has helped her find hope and freedom as a writer.

Come and join us:

Queue Idea!

Finally, much of my writing comes from answering questions, particularly from my coaching and mentoring clients, such as Liz. She asked, "How do you manage your portfolio of creative work and projects?"

I showed her. Then, I wrote up this approach in a short ebook:

Her response was,

"I used [the approach] yesterday and found it really helpful. I like the way you have written it up. I found it clear to follow. I'm using a whiteboard so I'll get some magnetic strips."

If you would like to talk to me about this kind of value-added coaching, I still have about three spare slots for new coaching or mentoring clients...yes, despite our grandson's delightful disruption!

All such clients have exclusive access to this and other resources. So feel free to book a discovery call with me at a mutually convenient time.

That's all for now!

Yours, somewhat delightfully disrupted,


In case you were forwarded this email by a friend and you would like to make sure you receive your own copy of my future newsletter, please head over to patrickmayfield.com where you can subscribe for yourself.


The Shire, Middle Earth, nr Oxford, UK

Thrusday, 4;35 pm-ish

Hi Reader,

For someone who extolls the virtues of becoming a positive outlier, at first sight this might not look at all positive! But please read on...

Resumé Virtues versus Eulogy Virtues

I came across these terms recently. They were coined by New York times, columnist David Brooks. Resumé virtues relate to the core skills and competence in our work; whereas eulogy virtues are what we will leave as a legacy, a sort of asset we developed for others.

I find the distinction very helpful as these are different categories of personal aspiration.

Since resumé virtues cover such things as the core competences we develop to function in our work and other key roles that we may have, they are of keen interest to our potential employers and clients.

Eulogy virtues are more about what we might leave behind that is of value to others.

That is what I want to focus upon in this brief essay.

Write Your Own Eulogy

Eulogy virtues remind me of Stephen Covey's book, First things First:To Live, To Love, To Learn, To Leave a Legacy. He wrote about greater life aims than merely aiming to be efficient and effective.

In that book he included a famous exercise of imagining watching our own funeral. He asked what would our families, friends and colleagues to say about us, when the time comes?

There could well be eulogy virtues that we can set about developing now; things that will evoke positive stories from others, when we pass away.

In my Unburdened coaching programme, one of the elements I get delegates to ponder is what eulogies they would like said at their funerals—from family, friends, colleagues, and neighbours.

Are We the Mirror of the Victorians?

My view is that our culture in the UK in 2024 is the mirror image of that of the Victorians. The Victorians were generally obsessed about death, to the point of morbidity. In comparison to us, they were also somewhat repressed about sex.

We on the other hand are obsessed about sex and self-indulgence, whilst being more repressed about thinking about our own death. We can live in a kind of denial about our own mortality. So “we are amusing ourselves to death,” as Neil Postman put it in his 1985 in his book of the same name.

The Transcendence of Embracing Our Own Mortality

Yet one of the things that really comes through in all this is a remarkable counterintuitive effect: if we embrace our own mortality something wonderful, not morbid, can emerge. Our lives become more centred and valuable.

Author John Mark Comer, for example, keeps a skull on his desk in his study, to remind him that his days in this life are limited.

Do you have ways of reminding yourself of your own mortality? … or do you wish you had not read all this stuff about your certain death? Denial can be inviting. You can always live in ignorance of it and amuse yourself to death. Not many around you will think you odd or foolish. It is the easy path.

Yours eternally,

Patrick

P.S. Please let me know what you think by hitting reply.

Changing the World through Living our Best Lives!

I am not sure how you found me here, but welcome anyway! I am a writer, coach, change leader, and Christian, helping you and others to live your fullest life, and to change the world in the process! If you are not interested in one of these things, that's OK...what I offer is not for you and you should close this page. However, I am interested in serving that small community of people who are interested in all these things. You are my world changers! If you know me and my work and want more, then please check out the resources I offer below and sign up for my newsletter! We can then begin a conversation where we can explore what my experience has taught me in leading change, both in organisations and in myself(!), in my faith journey with Christ, in my writing, and in my coaching. and how all this can benefit you.

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The Shire, about 5:40pm Hello Reader, Something happened at 1:30 am on Sunday, 4th August, that was of seismic significance to our family. Several of us are still in aftershock. Our grandson was born at 28 weeks, weighing a mere 1.125 kg. ceejayoz, CC BY 2.0 via Wikimedia Commons Mum and dad were staying at the John Radcliffe, a teaching hospital in Oxford, UK, when mum was taken down to the delivery room. Within minutes a baby boy was born. As I write, our new grandson is doing very well. He...

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